Life and Nursery Shots

I'm pretty sure i've made it clear that I am super blessed to have Melissa Young as a best friend, but in case I haven't- I am one LUCKY lady! Who else can say that their best friend has a heart of gold and a serious talent with photography {well I guess some of you could}?! She came over last week and snapped up some photos of Braylen and I. Of course he was sleeping beautifully up until about four minutes before she got here, and then he was mostly wide awake. Some would think that you would want your baby awake for photos- but not when they are newborns! When they are that young, and sleeping, you can totally position them however you want...but not this day!

Here are some of my favorite shots from the day. It also shows off the nursery a little bit more. I promise I will do a full reveal, but it just kills me that the room isn't fully finished yet. I have an issue with showing y'all an unfinished product..maybe i'm just weird!

As you can see in the photos from the nursery, some things are definitely still missing. I haven't been able to find a fabric yet that I love for the crib skirt {ANY OPINIONS WELCOME!}. Also, the light in the closet is going to change some as well. I am thinking of hanging some photos of him as a newborn, or some from the maternity shoot, on the walls with fun wooden hangers like these. 

I know I have been MIA lately, but I am going to try to be posting as frequently as I can now. I'm not sure if that will look like my old M-F right away, but it will be often. Sweet baby Braylen has reflux, so a lot of my attention lately has been going to figuring that out. Breaks my heart to see him hurting:( Any advice on that is also welcome:) Thanks to everyone for being so supportive and loving about Braylen! You all are the best.

Design Inspiration Monday

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Braylen's Birth Story Part 2

Part 1 here

 It was almost as if the very next contraction was a whole new level. From that point on they didn't want me getting back in the tub in case I needed to push at any moment. I think that if I could have gotten back in it would have really helped, so thats a bummer. Instead I labored for awhile in bed. It was, to put things lightly, not fun at all. After about 30 minutes of that my doctor checked me and said that I was a 9 and needed to get out of bed and move around. I thought that that would actually help me be able to wrap my mind around them more, but wow, it just made them more intense. The whole time I kept thinking, ok this really freaking hurts, and I want it to stop, but I need to let them happen and get more intense for the end to come. Before this point I hadn't even come close to screaming through anything, but now with about 4 of these contractions I literally screamed. And then was kind of embarrassed the second it was over, thinking 'Oh gosh, my poor people in the rooms next to me!'. The contractions were happening so fast that I was only having maybe 30 seconds in between them. I was rolling on the ball, walking around, pretty much anything to help me get a grip on what was happening. 

 I can literally hear my thoughts in this photo. At this point I was probably saying to J that I couldn't do it anymore. That I couldn't possibly handle one more contraction, and that I was not joking about it: {and yes, I realize how haggard I look, but hey- I was laboring for about 8 hours at this point..forgive me;)}

The worst would be when I would be walking and one of sneak up on me. A few times I would just grab on to whoever happened to be closest to me and just burrow in to them! My nurse and I got really close really fast here;)

 But then, before I knew it, I was back in bed with my doctor saying it was time to push. I was a little confused at this point though honestly. In all the hypnobabies studies they say you will have the uncontrollable urge to push. So, in my birth plan I had written that I wanted to do 'mother directed pushing' and not the typical count to 10 Dr. directed pushing. I told my doctor that I didn't have any urge to push yet, but she said I was a 10 and ready. So I kind of threw that plan of mine out the window and trusted her. Unfortunately, there was a little 'lip' of my cervix that wouldn't go away, so for the first few rounds of pushing, not only was there that going on, but she was also trying to move away that lip. That honestly was the only part of pushing that hurt at all, and that was over after probably three rounds. Initially I was trying to do the type of pushing that I had read about, keeping my mouth relaxed, being vocal, etc. but then we found out that if I saved all my energy for the actually pushing and not vocalizing things went much faster. Not gonna lie, it took me a little while to really understand 'how' to push. I had always heard to push like you are trying to poop. Well, apparently I couldn't remember how to poop because the first few rounds of pushing didn't do anything!Haha. Once I figured it out, I pushed for about 40 minutes {which honestly felt like 10}. Everyone had told me that pushing hurts, and that you feel this insane ring of fire, but that wasn't my experience at all. I really just felt like it was a really intense workout. I was sweating, I was using every freaking muscle in my body, but it didn't hurt! What a relief. It was so beautifully helpful to be surround by the people I was too. The whole time I was pushing {esp. towards the end when they could see the crown of his head for a few rounds until he came out} J, my doula, my nurse, and our friend Christi were all SO encouraging. They just kept saying how close I was, how he was almost here, to keep going, try harder, push longer, etc. I  really needed that motivation because it was pretty strenuous. My incredible doula kept putting ice cold wash cloths on my face..and it seriously felt like heaven while pushing. Thank you Briana!

Then the most life changing thing ever happened to J and I. I delivered our son. OUR SON!!!!

As he was coming out my Dr. saw that his cord was wrapped around his neck twice! She yelled "CORD, woah cord TWICE!". It totally freaked us out but she said it hadn't done any damage at all. She said that he had one of the 'fattest, juiciest cords' she had ever seen! They immediately put him on my chest, all warm and gooey {which I thought might gross me out a little, but man in that moment there was nothing more beautiful in the world}. Of course being a boy that he is, he instantly pooped and then peed on me. Welcome to motherhood! They let me hold my beautiful boy while they rubbed him down a little. That first cry, oh man. 

There was no better sound in the world. His big quivering lips letting out that huge sign of life. God is good! They didn't clamp his cord for about 10 minutes, which was awesome for him to be able to have that blood.

 I held him for probably 20-30 minutes and then passed him off to J. Let me back track for a second. Seeing the way J looked at him..be still my heart. This man that I love with all my heart, now loves our son. We created this life, just the two of us. No one will ever love Braylen the way we do. I will never forget that look of Js crying face. It makes me cry even thinking about it. He was such a proud daddy. Proud of me, proud of our baby for making it in to this world. He kept telling me over and over again just how he was SO proud, and how much he loved me and Braylen. He was mesmerized by him. And I was mesmerized by both of them. 

They had to spend some time stitching me up {UM OUCH} How did I not even think that that could be a part of my birth. Thank the Lord I didn't feel any of that happening while it did, my doctor even had to tell me that I tore because I didn't know. Crazy how our body can handle pain. While I was getting fixed up J was taking in our son and then eventually passed him of to get weighed. He was two weeks early and was still a super healthy 7lbs 7oz, 21in. long! Way to go baby boy! 

They brought him back over to me once I was finished and we got to just breathe him in for a little while before our families entered. They were elated to meet their new grandson {and nephew}. It was as if the room couldn't have one more ounce of love in it, it was simply overflowing. Tears all around. 
Unfortunately that was only able to last for about 15 minutes before the NICU doctors came in and needed to get started on his echocardiogram. They didn't want too many people in the room, so my family went back out to the waiting room. {Thanks for being so patient with us!!}. The echo took about 45 minutes. THE LONGEST 45 MINUTES OF OUR LIVES. J was totally the strong and stern daddy that never once left the echo techs side. He watched over the whole thing like a hawk. It was so hard for us to see our baby boy already be hooked up to so many machines. And to make matters worse, the techs don't give you any indicators that things are looking totally normal, or horrible. He just took image after image for 45 minutes. Then said "well, im finished, you'll know results probably tomorrow". Oh my gosh. Tomorrow?! It was almost too much to bare. Thats where our angel Christi came in again and worked her magic, and talked to the NICU cardio doctor and had him give her some preliminary results letting us know that there was no obvious coarc present! She them convinced them to let me be able to breastfeed as well. Those two things were music to our ears. So within about an hour and a half after he was born I was able to breastfeed him! What a difference from initially not being able to feed him at all for at least the first day! Again, God is good! With Christis help, he latched right on, and made me immediately cry tears of joy. What an indescribable feeling. The fact that my body knew exactly what he needed, and that he knew exactly how to get it! After feeding him we let the families back in and then transfered to our recovery room. I was already on cloud nine, and then even more so after about an hour of being in the recovery room. The cardio doctor came in and told us that he didn't need to stay any extended period of time in the hospital. He was able to go home with us when we were ready, and to just had to have a follow up echo and EKG a week later because everything looked so great. Again, tears and tears and tears. How did we get so blessed!? 

above two photo Melissa Young Photography
Overall, his birth was one of my most treasured times. With the help of Hypnobabies, my support system and Christ, I was able to give birth without as much as a Tylenol. He created my body to do exactly what it did. My son was born after 9 hours of labor, completely healthy. The rooms that we were in those two days feel magical to me. From laboring in the tub and delivering in the delivery room, to soaking in those first few days as a family of three {or five, counting our other babies, Honey and Boomer!} the rooms are magical. It was there that we heard his first cry, woke up to our first morning together, snuggled and breathed him in time and time again. It was all so powerful. So beautiful. I wouldn't trade a second of it {even the hardest points of labor} for anything in the world, because it all led to Braylen. To us becoming a family. To J and I becoming parents. To experiencing a love that it truly indescribable until you feel it yourself. I will always thank Jesus for allowing us to have the birthing experience I so strongly desired. I also want to encourage any of you mommies out there {ones to be, or ones that are pregnant again} to try and go natural. Find a pain method that works for you, and give it your all. Not that there is anything less incredible or magical about having a baby with meds or C-section {please don't get me wrong here} but if you can try and go natural..do it!

Braylen's Birth Story Part 1

I want to write all of this down before I forget any details {as some points during labor are already a little fuzzy!}.

It all started Wednesday afternoon, May 9th. I went in for my 38 week appointment and I had progressed to 3cm {never felt any pain yet} and my doctor asked me if I wanted her to strip my membranes. I was kinda caught off guard, so I said no immediately. She went on to tell that IF he is truly ready, this will simply help him come along, and if hes not- it won't do anything. I left the office and called J and told him the detials. I asked if I should have had her do it, and he said "well- babe were not going to get any more ready in the time to come, so if you want to- do it, and he'll come if hes ready". I went home and prayed about it for awhile and made the decision to call the office back to try to get them stripped. They gave me an appointment later that afternoon! Immediately after she stripped the membranes, I instantly went to 4cm! Woah, this could really be happening! I went home, napped, and then headed to the airport to pick up one of my longest friends ever. We were supposed to go out to dinner and hang out all evening. Well, around 6pm, I noticed some cramping and thought that possibly my contractions were feeling a little different than my normal Braxton Hicks. I of course had my car on empty, my phone battery at less than 10%, it was storming, and we were about 45 minutes away from home. I told Jackie that we needed to head to my house just in case something were to really start happening.
We got home, had Pita Jungle takeout, and her and I went on a long walk that ended at Dairy Queen! Who doesn't want a blizzard just in case they are going in to labor?! It was such a blessing having Jackie here, as it was amazing to catch up, and it totally took my mind off of the fact that my life was about to change incredibly. So glad that before she left I made sure to get pictures of us together, as well as a photo of me and J!

 She went home around 9, J and I watched some TV and he packed up his last minute things {still just in case though, I didn't know yet if it was the real deal or not!}. We went to bed around 11:30, as I was thinking, if the contractions get worse or closer together they will wake me back up {at this point they were on average every 7 minutes}. I honestly thought I was just going to wake up again in the morning having the previous night be a false alarm! I had texted my Doula {Briana who was incredible} before going to bed and she said that if I woke up, take a bath and see what it does with the contractions. If its false, the bath could slow them down, but if it was the real deal- then they would keep on trucking. I told her at that point that I thought I was a rockstar, that if this was what labor truly was- then I was a serious rockstar at handeling the 'pain' so well. Well, I woke up at 1:30 because they were more noticeable. KEY WORD: noticeable. Still totally not painful! Praise God! I immediately went to make some brownies just in case the contractions continued, as I always planned to bring treats for the nurses. You know, just in case I was a miserable laboring patient! After a few hours of twiddling my thumbs I went to take a bath to put it all to the test. Much to my surprise, the bath actually made the contractions closer together, and I actually started to 'feel' them a little more. At this point there were on average about 4 minutes apart, and my doctor said I needed to head in when I was having them 5-6 minutes apart. I was Group B-strep positive so they needed at least 4 hours of the antibiotics to be in my system before delivery in order for Braylen to be protected. I woke up J a little before 4am, and we were out the door at exactly 4:12 {which I mentally took note of because that is our anniversary, yes I am a sap like that!}. I also called my doula and told her we were heading in and that I wasn't feeling like such a 'rockstar' anymore! Haha, she said that was when she knew I was actually in labor! We took one last picture of my belly before heading out! This was at 4am, 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant:

 We went to Circle K really quick to grab some protein bars and J told the cashier that we were heading to the hospital to have our baby, and the guy literally said nothing! Haha! I think he was just hoping that my water wouldn't break in his store!! Now we were on our way to the hospital, but I realized we had forgotten the brownies, so I told J we needed to turn around! Thats when everything took a turn. My contractions instantly became real to me. They were still totally and completely manageable with breathing through them and thinking of them as just pressure, but that was the first time that I KNEW for sure this was really happening. We got to the hospital at around 5, and I got checked to find out I was 4-5cm and now 90% effaced. Progress!
Then things got kind of scary for a little while. My doctor called me and said that she had a meeting with the NICU doctor that night {because she said she KNEW once she stripped my membranes that I would be delivering within the next 24 hours!}. 
This is a part of Braylens story that not many people knew about. At our 37 week ultrasound he was looking great, weighing 6lbs13oz and head down. The ultrasound took a quick turn when they started looking closely at his heart. They noticed the right side was enlarged. The u/s doctor quickly entered the room and took more images, and then apparently {not to my knowledge at the time} told the tech to switch from a normal u/s to doing an echocardiogram. They took about 45 more minutes of images, and told us they would let us know results soon. But of course, 'not to worry'. RIGHHTT. I went to my 37 week apt. after that and my doctor immediately called the u/s doctor and he told her that our baby, our precious baby boy, could possibly have a coarctation. The hardest part of all of this was that there was nothing else they could do to test for it until he was born. So now it was just a waiting game. We were told though that it was actually a blessing to be aware of this, because the only time coarc's get really scary is when they go unnoticed.
So now my doctor is telling me that she can have the NICU doctor come in and talk to us and give us all the details of what Braylens first few hours of life could look like. The doctor came in and was incredibly sweet and calm. He explained to us exactly what coarcation means and looks like {which we already knew because of the research we had done in the past week}. He then went on to tell us that because the u/s place had done an echo already and that he still looked like he had it, that they were pretty much going to assume that Braylen really did have it. He said they would let us have about an hour together after delivery {which my awesome doctor demanded for our sakes} but then they would have to take him to the NICU immediately, run tests, AND that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed him at all that first day. They would be feeding him through IV, in case he did have it and they needed to do surgery. They said that after running their tests, if he had it then he would immediately be taken over to Phoenix Childrens Hospital for heart surgery that night. 
Pause, I had to go snuggle my baby a little bit after writing that last part and realizing what a blessing he is.
The whole thing seemed surreal to me. I was afraid for him. Trusting that God had him. Selfishly so sad about not being able to breastfeed him that first day {much less the first hour like I had wanted}. It kind of took us by surprise too, because up until that point, we knew it could be serious, but not enough to where our doctor would be having meetings with NICU doctors about it. After that meeting we got moved out of triage and into our delivery room. I was so happy about that because I knew that being in the tub would feel so incredible. At our hospital their policy is you need to be monitored every 20 minutes of the hour, but the rest of the time you could do as you please. I instantly hoped in the tub when I could and man it felt so good. My contractions {FYI- Hypnobabies calls contractions Pressure Waves, and thats what we called them while laboring, but I am calling them contractions for yall just so its easier}. Some of this story is hard to tell because I purposely didn't know the time at all once we got to the hospital, so I am sort of guessing and just asking J details he knows. After awhile of laboring in the tub they checked me and I was at 6-7cm. I was really hesitant to get checked because I knew that if it was a low number or not much progression, that it would totally bum me out. BUT I also knew that if it was a good number that it would be an incredible source of motivation. And for whatever reason, checks never really hurt that bad for me, as they do for some. After that I got back in the tub with a renewed energy. I was actually laboring without meds, and actually getting closer and closer to meet my sweet baby boy. I think I told J as this point that I honestly didn't know if I was going to be able to do it. That I had every desire to go drug free, but that when it came down to me really doing it, that I wasn't sure if I was strong enough. Well, the fact that I was already almost to transition {hypnobabies calls is transformation} and feeling pretty good {of course really focusing and breathing through contractions} was awesome. I also had a new motivation to go drug free just thinking about the fact that I had no control over what meds Braylen was possibly going to get within the first day of his life depending on his situation. 
I labored more in the tub until it was time to get monitored again, and this time when they checked me I was an 8! This was right after they told me I was an 8 {first photo was in between a contraction, second photo..not so much!}

Hooray. It still seemed so surreal and amazing to me that my body knew exactly what to do, and that it was doing it at a great fast rate. Once they realized I was an 8, they called my doctor in. My Dr. was great because she knew my birth plan and supported it. I also trusted her opinion immensely, to where if she told me we needed to do something different, I wasn't going to wonder if she had mine and Braylens best interest at heart. After all, the whole pregnancy, she always told me that she was super confident in the fact that I could go natural {which she says she isn't always with patients}. She came in sometime after they checked me {I think I was told it was about an hour later} and asked if she could break my water so that we could get things going a little faster to pushing. Even though I was at an 8 that whole time, I was still able just really focus and breathe through them..until she broke my water. Holy Crap. Things got intense REAL fast.
Part two here!